When a Filipina Matures into Motherhood...

For a Filipina, it must be a one unique experience. She has her tummy checked by the doctor, he affirms. She goes through the nine months: of craving the weirdest things (from the sourest mangoes to Magnolia strawberry ice cream), of insane mood swings, of testing her husband’s love for her. At the end of it all, her water breaks, she goes through insane labor and the breathing exercises that now don’t seem to work, then boom! She’s finally holding that warm, soft bundle in her arms and in that instant, everything, and everything in those nine months have all been worth it. Looking back to maybe just a year ago, she realized how much she’s changed.

As people age and experience new things in life, their tendencies change. Such is the case of Filipino women becoming and being mothers, they have to redefine their identities. And now, she is not just a wife, not just a daughter, she’s also a mother. A woman’s life will do a complete 360 degrees once that baby comes. The hardest adjustment so far is living a life not just for herself or for the husband, but for the baby also. It can be stressful and it’s not always a happy day.

Being a mom is an entirely new experience – like seeing everyday things in an entirely new light. Going to the zoo is more exciting, swimming is more enjoyable and burning calories is more accessible since you have to follow your child everywhere. The most rewarding experience would be watching your child sleep peacefully at night because you know that that day was another happy day where nothing awful happened to him/her. You can’t readily say that motherhood makes you stronger or smarter because you will still have fears and you still can make bad decisions. However, motherhood makes you learn a few new things about yourself.

Rearing, the Filipino way, makes a mother braver and more confident. And when you get right down to it, it automatically becomes a full-time role. Once you’re in it, you can never shake it or turn it off. You should love it.

Maturity becomes the woman and the woman realizes how selfless and responsible she’s become as a mother. Before she had no care in the world except for her and her husband’s own indulgences, but now she shall always think twice on everything she does. The usual shopping spree that covered fashion accessories and cool gadgets would surely take towards more consideration for the baby's needs. You never really would understand why your parents were the way they were towards you until you become one like them. And you will understand now the hardship and struggle parenting really is.

One Filipina says that seeing her husband and baby smile however, make the sacrifices all worth it. Motherhood is about maximizing your potential as a woman. If you’re willing to take [all of the things that come with being a mom], why not, what’s stopping you? What matters at the end of it all is that you are true to the core relationships that you want to maintain, that work with you, and who you are, and who you want to be. Then you can take on the challenges of being the Pinay mom of today. Those who have a why can take on almost every how.

Here’s a beautiful 70’s song by Barry Manilow about a wife and a mother called “Sandra”. I thought Barry was referring to a Filipina.

Or you can sing it like Barry...

The Comforting Words of a Filipina Mother

Watching circus acts with your family one great opportunity to bond and enjoy life together. I still remember attending an international circus (Russian Circus) at the nearby city with my wife and first child. It was really one of a kind and an experience of a lifetime. I would occasionally carry my son on my shoulder so he could see the wonderful spectacular acts and I bet he was awed. My wife would frequently hold tightly on my arms with such a suspenseful thrill. It was really a nice experience.

As I remember, the final act of the evening was a guillotine-toting performer. He picked out a hesitant volunteer from the audience and majestically demonstrated the sharpness of the blade by swiftly chopping a cucumber. Then he locked the volunteer in the guillotine and exploited the tension with a lengthy torrent of jokes, asked the guy if he had any farewell message. While nearly everyone laughed, in front of me sat the volunteer’s wife and five-year-old son.

Not realizing that the guillotine act was a magic hoax, the boy was panic-stricken. He thought his father was going to be beheaded. His Filipina mom sat at his side and held him, constantly telling him, “It’s alright, Joey. Papa will be okay. Don’t worry.” While her words were well-intended and may have helped a bit, the child remained generally petrified. Finally the blade fell, phenomenally passing his Papa’s head without a nick, and the man was saved. Soon Joey stopped whining and the torment ended.

I doubt if Joey’s terror is different from our own fears as grown-ups. I believe that every experience springs from either love or fear, and we just need to comprehend that the source of love is real, and the source of fear is an illusion. If we can only realize truth in the face of illusion, our fears shall fritter away and we shall go back to the reassuring arms of reality.

During those grace moments, God’s voice seeks to remind us of the truth; our role is to listen to that voice and have faith in it. In this circus of life, when something scary shows up, it spits right in our face. Someone we care for might run off, or a bill beyond our capacity to pay may be handed to us, or we may pick up a tabloid and read of tragedies, calamities and diseases we never heard of. We get terrified and go frantic (at least inside). Is this really any different than the child helplessly watching his father in a stage guillotine? Meanwhile a woman’s comforting voice whispers in our ear, “It’s okay. Don’t worry. It will be alright.”

The mother’s voice is soft, yet expressive. We want to trust it, but the raging illusion before us is so blatant that it snatches our full awareness. The band’s drums have momentarily drowned out the guitar. So we ride out the experience and somehow emerge safe and sound. Only then do we realize that the manifestation of evil was a trick of the mind, and ultimately the voice of love was the one worth heeding. Welcome to the Magic Circus of Experience.

When you watch science fiction movies and you get carried away by the amazing visual effects, just wait you’re your till your buddy would elbow you and laugh out, “That’s so fake, it’s not real!” I wonder if those nasty movies were a training ground to face and deal with shoddy experiences in life. Finally we can look at just about any frightening experience and recognize that if we had remained calm and clear in the face of the ogres at our heels, we could have dealt them swiftly and gotten on with the joy of living. But when we’re in the midst of frightening illusions, that’s not so easy, for they seem real and larger than us. But they are not. If you mull over all the things that once frightened you, and what you learned after you overcome them, you will discover that you are undeniably bigger than anything you fear.

In the film version of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, the grand wizard gathers the young wizards in training and pulls out the huge “buggert box” where all of the children’s secret fears reside. One by one he released the buggerts and coaches each child to point his or her wand at it, cry out, “Ridiculous!” and cackle. As each child does, the buggerts evaporate. They could not long stand in the face of the insurmountable combination of truth and happiness. Here, each of us clutches a frightened child within us, and right next to it sits a comforting mother reminding us that it’s just a trick of the mind. Then the game becomes less about running out of the theatre and more about laughing our buggerts to oblivion.