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Saturday, April 3, 2010

Shower Differences between Men and Women

 When it cames to gender differences, there is always that lighter side of the issue. While men are different from women in may aspects, their differences should not put one over the other. Now let's enjoy watching a video regarding their differences on showertime. Then read the list below.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
  1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man-made or natural.
  2. Walk to the bathroom wearing a long dressing gown. If partner seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
  3. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.
  4. Get in shower. Look for face cloth, arm cloth, loincloth, long loafer, wide loafer and pumice stone.
  5. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lampreys shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
  6. Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lampreys shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
  7. Condition hair with Cucumber and Lampreys conditioner with enhanced Crocus Oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
  8. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash.
  9. Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure its all come off.
  10. Shave armpits and legs with partner's razor. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
  11. Scream loudly when partner flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.
  12. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex.
  13. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country. 
  14. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. 
  15. Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
  16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If partner seen, cover up any exposed areas then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
  1. Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.
  2.  Walk naked to bathroom. If partner seen, shake knob at her making the 'Woo' sound.
  3. Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have Pecs. 
  4. Admire size of knob in mirror scratch privates and smell fingers for one last whiff.
  5. Get in shower. Don't bother to look for washcloth - don't use one.
  6. Wash face and armpits. Wash privates and the surrounding area.
  7. Wash butt, leaving hair on the soap. 
  8. Crack up how loud farts sound in the shower. 
  9. Shampoo hair but don't use conditioner.Make shampoo Mohican. 
  10. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror. 
  11. Pee in shower. 
  12. Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole time. 
  13. Partially dry off. Look at self again, flex muscles and admire knob (again) 
  14. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. Leave bathroom light and fan on.
  15. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass partner, pull off towel, grab knob, go 'yeah baby' and thrust pelvis at her.
  16. Put on yesterdays clothes.
 
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Friday, April 2, 2010

The Erotic Pinay – Female Sexuality Exposed

Let me unfasten myself from the restraint of the subtle issue of eroticism…For me, the erotic is an assertion of the “chi” of women, of that empowered creative vigor, the awareness and exercise of which have been reclaimed in our language, our history, our music, our arts, our dancing, our loving, our work and our lives.

One glorious day I was shopping at a bookstore closing-out sale. I was not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but this one caught my curiosity. Right on the front was a waist-up shot of a partially-nude Filipina woman. The model was confident in her fine skin, courtesy of Photoshop perhaps. Her arms crossed under her chest barely covered her beautiful breasts. I pick the magazine and started browsing the pages for more photos. But I was seduced by the delightfully written and exhaustive stories about the characters and their sexual experiences.

I appreciated reading about women enjoying sex, their bodies and defining their own sexuality and not how some hip-hop music, exploitative talk shows or other mediums have put a negative mark on female sexuality. If the writers were female in this piece of lit, then they were asserting their identity. The book only cost a few bucks that I certainly I could afford…

The erotic literature somehow fascinated me and I began to wonder about how women perceive their sexuality today. I know that many of us would instantly deem such erotic materials "repulsive."  But these same people were guys who made jokes and listened to edgy music. It's interesting how some people are uncomfortable with having a mature discussion about sex but feel more at ease with raunchy conversation.

Some of my friends surreptitiously admitted about reading erotic books and discussed about the love scenes. A family friend told me she read the books in bed with her husband. But everyone wasn't, nor still is, comfy on the topic. Some folks find it undignified and think the stories reinforce the typecast of people being oversexed. When I initiated a discussion in our workplace about eroticism, there were cheeks blushing, nervous laughter and throat clearing.

How time flies, things have partially changed since I read that erotic magazine… and the others that came into my sight. It seems like erotic lit may have reached its climax. People are still reading and authors are selling their stories. But now, I feel like the hype isn't there anymore. It's almost like being with same lover for quite a long time. You know her routine in the bedroom and have explored her physical territory many times. It's not as exciting as the first time, but you still love her. Is it time to spice things up in erotic literature? I don't mean more sex, but just a rebirth?

Dim the lights. Slip into something comfortable, and let me get under her covers...
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